Election 3

‘I’ll write an Iraq report before Sir John Chilcot.’
‘Is Ed Miliband actually talking or is it Nicola Sturgeon doing his voice?’
‘Apparently she used to be a city tour guide.’
‘I can’t stand Labour party electioneering. What’s on ITV?’
Fridge magnet
‘Oh, Malcolm — is this a raft of proposals?’
‘We’re worried he may be addicted to online porn.’
‘We must remember to send the Johnsons a death threat.’
‘Do you ever wonder just what Earthlings look like?’
‘You’re right — oil on canvas.’
‘The problems started when we both lost our smartphones and had to talk to each other.’
‘It’s a fake.’
‘I’ll have the cream tea – easy on the tea.’