Mark Wood

‘I’m hoping someone will steal my phone, so my parents buy me a new one.’

‘He’s planning to let his treehouse out on Airbnb.’

‘No, Tom, you didn’t win. The race just happened to finish when you were at the front.’

‘I know all children follow social media influencers, but Robert Jenrick?’

‘We’re spending the day with my Dad – he gets lonely on his own.’

‘Take me to your fat jabs.’

‘They’re not very inclusive.’

‘I forget, are we living with you, or are you still living with us?’

‘Well, we can work to address this feeling of shame, or you can just sell the Tesla.’

‘What do your parents feel about us moving in together? Have they got room?’

‘We need a photo for proof of delivery.’