Boris Johnson has recently returned from a tour of Japan. His diary of the trip appears in this week’s issue of The Spectator: Frankly I don’t know why the British media made such a big fat fuss last week when I accidentally flattened a ten-year-old Japanese rugby player called Toki. He got to his feet.
'Let’s go somewhere else — this place has turned into a hipster hangout.'
'Sigh. One of these days we'll come home to find they've had a wild party.'
‘Please like me and share me.’
‘I won’t believe you’re innocent until you’ve been accused by Tom Watson.’
'You'd better go, he'll be home soon ... you’d better...'
'Oh, just the usual Nordic noir: a seemingly run-of-the-mill porridge theft leads to the discovery of a serial killing, people trafficking, drug dealing, paedophile conspiracy.'
'Looks familiar — was he on "I'm a Celebrity", "Big Brother" or "Strictly"?'
'It's another of those extremely obscene and threatening phone calls. Do something — she’s your mother.'
‘We decided to focus on coffee.’
'How much did you pay for it?'
'Oh no! Someone's stolen the wheel.'
‘Everyone’s viral for 15 minutes.’
‘He was a smoking beagle. Can he have a last cigarette?’
'I think this dispels the myth that they never reached old age.'
‘... for today’s the day the teddy bears order pizza ’n large fries and stay in to play computer games.’
Putin the gangster Sir: Putin is a gangster’s gangster. While he ruins Russia economically and diplomatically to keep himself in power, he behaves like a renegade in Ukraine and Syria (‘Putin’s triumph’, 10 October). He is a stirrer and an adventurer, who causes danger in the world and to his fellow citizens. In 2011 he